An explanation and warning for those who might read this: I have been struggling with writer’s block. I find that when I sit down to write I end up staring at a white screen with a blinking cursor for a while and then shutting the word processing program down. When I’m just thinking I can think of different stories and have even started them, but I get to a point that I don’t know the story or where it is going. So I just keep trying to write through the block. Now, since I haven’t posted anything in a while I thought I would use what I’ve written so far on my new beginning as a post for here. Understand that this is fiction and if a curse word or two offends you then you may want to stop reading now. Hell, keep reading. LOL
No Title LOL
Claire said that I was experiencing a mid-life crisis. What is a mid-life crisis anyway? A thirty-six year old man wearing a vintage t-shirt and jeans, riding around in a convertible sports car blasting the Black Eyed Peas with a twenty-five year old tan long-legged blonde with model assets is most men’s dream at any age. Not only that, life as a whole is one major crisis; not just some ten year period of time in an adult male’s life. Mid-life crisis is an idea some thirty to forty year old bitter women came up with who were pissed at their husbands because they were acting like the males before them. If humanity was made in God’s image then females are the part of His image that we as humans can never truly know, and males are the part of His image that is predictable and known. The truth is men do not ever fully grow up. Men simply evolve. We evolve from small adolescents to big adolescents all the while trading in one adolescent behavior for another.
I had tried to end it with Claire as gently as I could but nothing with Claire could ever be gentle. Having dated her for 3 years, I knew that no matter what, the problem would be me. So I took full responsibility for the failing of our relationship. I admitted to her that I didn’t see our relationship going anywhere. This confession and acceptance of responsibility was unacceptable to Claire. The fact that I took full responsibility only pissed her off more. She thought that I was mocking her and just saying what I thought she would say.
Truth is I wasn’t mocking her. I honestly didn’t see our relationship going anywhere. It wasn’t until two weeks later while discussing the situation with Abby, my best friend Greg’s wife, that I realized my mistake. According to Abby, I pissed Claire off because I took away her power.
“The power to blame you for the failure of your relationship.”
“So you’re telling me that by me doing the right thing and taking responsibility I had taken away her power to blame me, and she needed to be able to blame me so that she wouldn’t feel responsible?”
“That’s just fucked up and doesn’t make sense.”
“It makes perfect sense!”
“Because you’re a woman.” And that was the end of that conversation.
I now realize that Claire didn’t want me to take responsibility. She wanted me to be what she thinks is a “typical man”, one who skirts responsibility and doesn’t care anything about the truth. I’m pretty certain that if I had played the role of the ‘typical male’ and not taken away her power, then when Claire saw me the next week driving Alexis’, a twenty-five year old blonde with model assets, brand new midnight blue Infiniti G37 convertible I wouldn’t be paying to get a new windshield installed for the Infiniti, nor avoiding various family members’ phone calls who seem to have this crazy idea that I’m going through a mid-life crisis and may need counseling.